There the second you turn around.

This is something I got a revelation of a while ago, but I feel like It keeps getting deeper and stronger. 

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. (Romans 5:1, 2 MSG)

This verse gets me every single time with a different revelation. It's crazy good and overwhelming at the same time. 

First of all the thought that we have it all together because of Christ, it's not us at all. It still blows me away that nothing I say or do can make him love me less. 

Guilt so often makes me feel this way, cos let's face it, even on my good days I am so crap at this and he so incredibly and passionately Loves me anyway. Like I have never been Loved before and I daily have to push away the thought that I don't deserve it and let him. 

Second of all when I throw open my doors to him, because I have screwed up again, did something I knew I shouldn't have again or because I tried it on my own again and failed. 

I am so used to dealing with everything on my own and sorting stuff out in my head before I ask for any sort of help, even from him. 

But he is so patient with me in that the second I turn around and face him, he has been there the whole time and will continue to be there the whole time. 

He never forces me to come to him, he just waits. 

Regardless of anything I do, or how far I attempt to run or how deep I sink myself in, he is just waiting the whole time. 

He has already thrown open his doors to me. 

And in the end instead of feeling trapped in myself with my own thoughts and feelings, I am in his Grace again, exactly where I belong and exactly where I wanted to be the whole time. 

He makes all things new.

The only reason your foundations are fractured is so light can seep through, and it won't be long till the light takes over completely. 

You can keep rebuilding them over and over again. 

It's like a crystal ball that looks unbreakable, but shatters into a million pieces with one drop. 

And he will never knock it down. 

But you can't close your eyes tight enough to block out the light. 

I cannot now be dark.

And I don't wanna hide away. 

I will not make something out of my own hands that could shatter any second. 

I can't rely on that anymore. 

So if it breaks and I cannot re build you piece by piece.

And if you cannot bare it to look right at me. 

I will just be staring at the shattered,

Until there is not one piece left to make anything of it. 

So it will be made new. 

It will be built from nothing.

Because he makes all things new. 

 

Not what I expected!

Lately what I have been hearing from people is how much I have changed and how much of a different person I am now, which has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what God did in this past year. 

I have had two responses to this.

1) As if you even know who I was before or who I am now? Getting all defensive when people imply that they know me so well!  (Hello! Brat) 

2) Yeah, I know I have changed heaps. It's kinda cool what God is doing! 

The actual truth is that God did something completely different with this year then I pictured he would. My life has not at all turned out as I expected. 

It's niether a good or a bad thing, it just did not happen how I thought it would. 

I started the year with a clear plan in my own head. 

It involved working a lot and being focused on that, not having time to spend with people or making friends because who has time for that these days. 

getting approved to do foster care and then having babies come through for a season to care for, basically being a Mum which is what I have wanted since forever! 

It involved moving out and setting up my house to plan for all this. 

It involved being organized, saving money and getting all my ducks in a neat little row. 

Now looking back some of these things happened and some did not. 

I did move out and I did work a lot.

I did set up my house but am not yet doing foster care. 

I ended up having time for Poeple and none of my ducks are in any sort of order or row. Ha! 

Point is: God doesn't do things how you want him to, when he says in the bible 

"I know that plans I have for you" 

He means just that, that He knows and it doesn't look at all how you think it does. 

Also then it says "plans to give you a hope and a future" He means just that also.. 

I tend to meltdown if things don't happen the way I think they will, (that may have happened a little) but I am learning that it's actually ok that my year has looked nothing like I thought it would. 

I guess what he had in mind was better! 

Spent in the best possible way.

We are in a big season, people are busy, there is always something going on, somewhere we need to be and things we need to do. 

Naturally people are exhausted from the late nights and the early mornings, from all the practicing, extra events and parties. 

I have known what it is to be exhausted and to literally have no energy left to do anything.

What we are doing is a whole mother level of that. 

It's being poured out in order to be filled again. 

It's giving all of ourselves to make him known. 

It's sacrifice and it's hard. 

It's being spent in the best possible way and it's so worth every single moment.  

I'm just in awe of watching the people around me serve God day in and out, preparing to show him in the best of ways. 

I have never been more grateful to be living this life. 

I've never been more thankful for who I am doing this with. 

 

So though we are tired, we will complete this season with as much Grace as possible and then fall into bed thankful that we get to do this life. 

Making the best choice.

 When I got saved as a young and broken teen, my parents and family assumed so many things about what this was and who I was becoming. People still do that today. 

They thought I was brainwashed and tried to Ban me from going, they thought I was using church to run away from them, they felt like I had abandoned them to this idea of religion and that somehow Jesus had stolen me from them. 

They assumed that this is something I was being somehow made to do and they were so angry and confused. 

I did not understand why and as I worked out my salvation, as well as who I was as a person, as well as deal with some issues that we had all ignored as a family. 

I struggled so hard to explain why I was living my life this way. 

When I felt God tell me it was time to tell them my story from my point of view, it was the most freeing moment I had ever experienced in my life. 

Because I told them why I Loved God, I explained what he did for me and how he is putting together every broken little piece. 

I told them that nobody is forcing me to do or think anything,that I am choosing this life because I honesltly could not do it any other way and I still need to remind them today. 

They do not completely understand why I am still choosing to live my life this way and maybe I will never be able to completely explain it. 

This revelation is still unfolding for me, but the fact that we don't live by a rigid set of rules and regulations that we could never possibly live up to brings a huge amount of freedom and I pray we have many more conversations about it. 

Being with Jesus makes me better.

I have never been one to be good at spending time with God everyday. 

I never had a regular time or spot to go and spend time with him. 

I have never gotten up early to pray. 

I just never really made a plan that I knew I couldn't stick to. 

*gasp* 

I know what your thinking, but let's be honest it's a bit of a challenge.  

However lately I have probably spent more time then usual reading the bible, writing, reading books, talking about him and actually just being with him. 

It's changing me. 

I have been finding myself doing things out of character, talking to strangers and being friendly to people serving me in the shop. 

Wanting to encourage people and being very free in my praise and compliment. 

I find myself calling my Mum just to chat. 

I want to bless people with stuff and do thing for people. 

I find myself happy and less frustrated. 

Believe me I am not trying to talk myself up or say what an incredible person I am.

I'm just blown away at how much my attitude changes when I am close to him. 

The why behind the what.

I feel like everyone is in a huge season at the moment around me. 

I love it though. 

I love watching people grow into their calling and gain confidence in knowing they are meant to be there. 

I love watching God speak to people and reveal things in them they couldn't see before. 

I love watching God meet people's hearts where they are at. 

I love hearing about it, what he is doing in the people around me. 

We are in revival and it's the best thing ever. 

He has been preparing me for a while, slowly bringing me closer to people, teaching me that I need them. 

Slowly telling me the same thing over and over again. 

Remind me of what I am called to do and be. 

Gently pushing me to write from a place of Transperancy rather then it being based on what I think people want to read. 

Most importantly as he is opening me in order for me to write, he has been letting me know that we are gonna deal with some stuff. 

He knows me well enough to have been easing me into it, rather then just bring it up out of the blue and be faced with stubbornness and a lot of resisting. 

You would think I would be less taken back when it actually came about, I was not. And here is why... 

I had been rattling off a list in my head of things that I may have not properly dealt with, I'm fine with it now, everyone has them. 

Stuff they don't really talk about, and God is totally ok with it, nobody can deal with everything all at once. 

It takes time. 

So anyways I was thinking about what it might be, things I would maybe be ok to face right now, very very slowly of course.

I knew it was coming and I was prepared, well, I thought I was. 

Then one day I am thinking about a new tattoo, I'm kind of obsessed with them. 

One I had been thinking about for a while and where it would go and why it would go there etc..

I was texting a friend about it ever so casually.

All of a sudden God asks me something that caused me to completely freak out. 

I found myself face to face with something I did not even realize was a big issue for me.

Without thinking about the why behind the question, I blurted out to my friend why I wanted to get it and what I felt God was saying, which was dumb because she Loves God and happens to be annoyingly wise at times. 

We talked about it a little and I decided I should seek God about it even more. 

When I did I realized something that I probably already knew. 

God is so much more about the why, then the what. 

He is about the heart of your situation, and the why behind what you do. 

We see things with our eyes. 

We see attitudes in others that we don't like and that effect us. 

We see how people treat other poeple. We hear what people say and how they respond and we are judgers of actions. 

I know I am especially when it effects someone I love. 

But God looks right past that and see's motives and feelings and reasons we cannot see. 

And that's when we need to trust him the most. 

So is his Love for us.

God is not afraid our our emotions. 

He doesn't shy away from our pain.

He doesn't avoid our tears. 

He isn't shocked when we are mad at him. 

It's not like he is fumbling for something to say. 

Or debating on whether to hold us or leave us be. 

We as humans feel the intensity of it and we want to shield everyone from it. 

We feel it's not valid enough to show or speak. 

We cannot possibly come to him and unload the wholeness of what we feel onto him. 

For he would surely crumble under it weight as we are doing. 

But isn't that what he wants. 

For us to cast all our cares upon him because he cares for. 

So he will take them off every single one and not leave the slightest trace behind. 

Because he cares for us. 

Isn't it said that we should come to him when we are weary and he will give us rest? 

That we may take our weary hearts to him without reserve or hesitation and he will exchange it for rest. 

Time after time people have placed upon him their weight, their burdens, their grief, their sorrow and their anger and he has taken it upon himself and replaced it with a cloak so light that we do not feel the extent of it. 

He in return he will clothe us with Grace Peace and Mercy.

That continues to flow, unending and unrelenting. 

So is his Love for us. 

People need People #2

So God works in funny ways he honestly cracks me up sometimes. 

I spent majority of Sunday morning giggling to myself in the message and here is why... 

I got the revelation that people need people, I saw in on a shirt and starting thinking on it and a few days later I talked about it with a friend who got a similar revelation. 

So I thought about it some more, prayed about it some more and then talked about it even more.  Showed up to church and one of my Favourite preachers was speaking and guess what she was talking about... 

How we were made for community and work better with other people around us and how it's an important part of life to work with others. 

How it's ok to need people and that everyone does! 

Good one God! 

Sometimes he really like to tell me several times, just so I really get the point! Ha! 

Funnily enough I have become quite social in the last few months and I honestly did not realize how anti social I was until people told me funny stories about it. I would just go home thinking nobody thought anything of it, sometimes without a goodbye and sometimes right in the middle of something with no warning. 

I'd just decide I could not handle being around people so I'd get overwhelmed and leave. 

And I honestly do not know when it changed. I just started hanging out with a few different people that I had not really hung out with before and even met new people and all of sudden realized that I liked them. 

I mean let's face it they are incredible and we have so much fun and talk about so many things. 

I swear I have not had so many quality conversations in one go and gotten so much wisdom, good advice or encouragement from people. 

God put them there on purpose and for a purpose, and I would have thought that I would lean on them more and Him less but they actually continually point to him and draw me closer to him. 

I actually need these people and some of them might even need me, I mean I can survive without them and I am not completely dependent on any one of them but I could easily do life with them forever! 

They make me better and I am actually completely Grateful for every single one! 

Cheers God! 

People need People.

I just ordered a shirt online that says "people need people"

Which makes sense cos we were actually made for each other, God made Eve for Adam, he put David and Jonothan together, he sent someone to Hannah on her distress, and Jesus was always helping people and he was actually a person. 

He places people in our world for reasons, to show us things we need to see, to inspire us to be closer to him. 

I'm just trying to understand the revelation of it being ok to need another person. 

I'm not the type to Vent or talk something through with someone unless I absolutely felt I needed too and could also get over my pride and insecurities to do it. I kinda keep the crap stuff to myself, when stuff gets intense I tend to always just retreat and when I'm starting to work through it I can explain what's going on, I always feel like I'm doing it alone and kinda crave just to have someone come along side me, but never got the courage to ask. 

I'm better at writing then talking so I tend to do that first. 

The thing is I am more then happy to for others. 

I will listen, comfort and give advice without so much as a blink, because I Love them and I wanna be there for them in every season. 

I know now in this season that he has put certain people around me for a reason and I see it clearly why, without them even have to do anything. Just having them be around me and in my house is helpful in itself, it's teaching me not to keep to myself so much. 

And the thing is I actually like them.... Like a lot! 

It's not like they all just popped into my life all of a sudden, most of them were already there I just had not opened my eyes to how much I might actually need these people around me. 

And that it's actually Ok. 

He is Jealous for me.

I could try to explain this a thousand times and still you would not understand the wieght that these words hold for me. 

It's so simple I cannot believe I did not realize it earlier. 

The God of the universe is jealous for me, for my Love. 

Not only does he Love me, but he wants me to Love him. 

And the fact is that nobody has ever Loved me like that. 

Grace is beautiful.

I have these words going over and over in my head. 

"Grace that flows like a river washing over me" 

It speaks of being swept away. 

Even if we tried to go against the tide, it would take us. 

Cleansing us continually.

Washing away every sense of guilt.

Every thought of being unworthy. 

Every feeling of shame. 

It does not condemn us as we deserve. 

Does not accuse us or blame us. 

Though we are to blame. 

It's just a never ending flow of forgiveness that we never once earned. 

A river of living water that takes us back to Him over and over again. 

And it's beautiful. 

The forest and the field.

It's like a forest.

That you can instantly get lost within. 

Overwhelmed by the trees and darkness. 

Trying to walk but you stumble with every step. 

Always something in your path. 

The weight of guilt holding you down. 

You cannot even lift your head.

You deserve to be there anyway. 

This punishment is not even enough to make it up.

You look around but can see no light. 

You turn around and around but there is no escape. 

But this is not where you belong. 

This is not where he is. 

And all of sudden you are being lifted out. 

"No" you scream "leave me here!" 

Your not worthy nor deserving of His Grace. 

The field that you find yourself in is vast. 

It's beauty stretched as far as you can see. 

It's light all around, everywhere you turn. 

The air is clean and fresh, filling your lungs with ease. 

There is but one tree where you will go and meet him. 

Where you will rest and he will refresh. 

Where you will open your heart and he will speak into it.

Where you will be quieted to everything else and only his whisper resounds in your ears. 

Only the softness under your body. 

Room to move and space to dream.

The forest is the furthest thing from your mind. 

In the field though you do not deserve it. 

You belong there. 

In the field, in his Goodness. 

In Him. 

The Moment he says my name.

Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). (John 20:11-16 NIV)

Every time I read this passage I can't get past the fact that all Jesus has to do is say Mary's name and she instantly knows it's him. 

I can imagine the distress she feels as she goes back to mourn for Jesus who had set her free and completely changed her life only to find that someone has taken him away.

She is beside herself and has no idea where he is, she is so upset that infact when He himself comes to ask why she is crying she does not immediately know it's Him. 

Maybe she does not even look up, maybe she cannot. 

But the moment he speaks her name she knows who he is and she is instantly comforted. 

I cannot count the number of times that my thoughts have clouded my head so much that I cannot actually focus on anything. 

If God is trying to get my attention I do not even notice. 

If I am distressed I often listen straight past whatever he is saying to me, to busy panicking about what I should do, or what will happen next. 

But the moment he says my name, not even loudly or obviously, I know it's Him and I cannot even explain how. It's like I was looking for him and he was there all along.