What Grace looks like.

Are you ever reading about someone in the bible, a story you have probably read or heard a hundred times before and suddenly realize that it could be talking about your life? 

I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ (Luke 15:19 NIV)

I was reading and stumbled on this story about the lost son and when I got to this verse I thought "hey I do that!" 

This son asked his father to give him his share which by the way he did nothing to earn, and the father gave it. 

And without a single concern for anyone the son goes and wastes it. 

I used to be kind of annoyed and think he was being selfish. Until I realized, I do the same thing, God gives to me and I waste it. 

Later on in the story he runs out of money and is left with nothing, and when he thinks of going back to his father he surely cannot go back and be his son. 

Not after he took what he gave him and ran. 

Not after he wasted it all on pleasure and did whatever he desired. 

Not after he shamed his name. 

Surely after all this his father could never take him back.

But if he has nothing left, where else can he go? 

So his thought is to go back as a servant, surely his father will let him earn his way back. 

Isn't this how we think about things with God? I do this all the time. 

Take what He gives me and screw it up and I'm left with no where else to go. 

I cannot just go back to him, but I could go back and serve him. 

We are so often ok to serve God and do things for him, but cannot stop to just be with him. Then we wonder why we feel far away, even though we are so very close. Why we miss him and his presence even thought he has been there all along. 

That's what Grace is! 

Regardless of how badly you screw it all up. The second you come back he is waiting to take you back as a son or daughter and you don't need to do anything to earn it! 

Your love brings me to my knees.

You know when your so deep into something you couldn't get out even if you tried, it's like that with me and God sometimes, in the best way possible. 

I mean I am not trapped here and nobody is forcing me to do life this way and I cannot say that it's actually easier: 

It's just that I know too much of Him now. 

I have seen too much of what he does. 

I Love him too much now. 

I have come to the realization that I couldn't walk away from him even if I tried, and believe me I have tried. 

I litarally have nowhere else to go that even compares to what I am living in now. 

So even on my hardest day, even when I want so much just to run away. 

Even when I don't feel like it. 

Or just do not think I could go another step. 

I am on my knees before I can even turn around because I know that He found me when I had nothing. 

Breathe.

Your presence is now so empty, so cold and so thin.
Your Hatred is so strong,
I hold my breath afraid to breathe it in.
And when I can't and my lungs give way, I am forced to take a breath.
It enters like steam, thick and misty.
it suffocates, tightening around my chest.
I step into it with my light kept so very dim, it's still to bright so you get mad, I'm sorry I cannot keep it in.
I will no longer keep your secrets, I won't pretend, I will not hide.
I won't become like you, because I grew up and knew we lied.
The flaws and gaps begin to show, like a glass about to break.
You can only hold your breath for so long before you begin to faint.
Slowly they start seeping through the gaps that you have left.
there is only one persons arms that they will fall into.
By then how much would you have kept?
Whenever you fall short, thats when I miss him most,
like he filled what you did not because I let him take your place.
And just when all I want to do is close off,
I let resentment sit like a cloak that protects from your mistake.
I hear his stilling voice,
"but I told you to Love him"
He has not one ounce of Hate.
And I wonder why he spared me,
Why it's not my reality but it's still theirs and how in just A moment it can be once again mine..
I wonder why you are afraid of something that drives out all fear.
I wish you could see I am not turning my back on you.
But I am turning to where you are meant to be.
And why you won't just breath him in.

Jesus.

I Love that he was the only one who could heal me without hurting me.
All my remedies had quickly become more pain.
All my easing had quickly become more hurt.

Though I could not breath a single breathe without feeling the weight of what it had become.
If I let it go all that was inside would slowly seep into the visible.

Until I woke up and saw.
That all my easing had captured me.
Made me its slave.
It would have destroyed me.

When in a single breath.
He paid for my freedom.
Rivers of living water.
The unlocking of myself.
And he had healed me.