Last hope, Only hope.

"And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ” But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” (Mark 5:25-34 NIV)" 

So many things get me about this story, 

How much we can relate to this woman, how much faith and courage she had to do what she did and how in one single moment her life was completely changed by one simple act. 

The thought that I have tonight though is, after 12 years wouldn't you have given up hope? And maybe she had until she heard about Jesus. It says she suffered under the care of many Doctors, but she grew worse, not better. In other words she had tried everything, she had nothing else to go with, she had no money left and she was surely now an outcast. 

Can you imagine how she felt when everything she did ended up making her life harder? When she had literally done everything she could and still had no relief? 

Can you imagine how she felt when she heard that Jesus was coming? 

And yet when Jesus realized what had happened he was not dissapointed that she had not come sooner, or that she did not ask for healing but rather took it. Instead he just praised her for her faith and released her. 

This is so much like our lives. We try everything, we go to so many people and places for help and when nothing works we turn to God and without judgement or anger he heals us in a single moment. 

It's things like this that make me realize that I could not possible Love him more. 

Belong.

So I did something new and scary. 

I did spoken word poetry, which is basically reading something you wrote aloud to a group of people. 

I did it just for fun and I did it because I was scared to. 

I have been writing for a long time and recently starting sharing some of these on here, that in itself was a scary step. Reading it aloud is a whole other level of scary. 

But I did it and even though I read the shortest poem I could find and was shaking the whole time, I did it! 

I learnt something also while watching people share what they had written.

Each one of them extremely unique and each writing style completely different, not one of them looked the same or fit a mould and none of them tried to. 

Everyone of them was looking for the same thing. 

Community. 

Everyone who came and read was welcomed with open arms, everyone was encouraged and everyone was applauded. 

Phrases like "you have found a home here" and "let's show them the love that we have all experienced" were thrown around, and it dawned on me. 

Something I am familiar with on a daily basis and can sometimes take for granted. I am blessed to have the most incredible friends and I am not the same as any one of them, but we get along so well, can talk about anything and do life together. I realized that I belong somewhere and these people do too. 

Every single person is looking for somewhere to belong and find community, because at the end of the day everybody wants to belong somewhere and everybody does belong somewhere, it's our job to make them feel like that are a part of something. To help them feel like are an important part of something. 

So thanks spoken word for welcoming me and encouraging me to step out and do something scary, I really enjoyed it. 

Forever.

Turns out that verse that has been in my head lately that I was having troubling writing about.. Well I wrote about it 8 months ago, funny how God reminds you of these things.. 

Let me know your thoughts on it. 

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind. (Isaiah 40:27 MSG) 

God doesn't come and go God lasts! 

This means he is stable and unchanging, he can be leant on because he will not move. 

He can always be looked to because he will always be there! 

I think in this day and age where nothing is certain and everything is changing people come into your life and then they leave, you have a job and then you don't. We need a rock and if we don't have one we will create one, the problem lies with this.. 

Unless it is God it will move! 

It will not last...

But God does not, he is always the same... 

It's like this statement was written for me. 

I need stability and some sort of safety in my relationship especially. 

I always have "safe" people or people in my inner room, the ones who I feel secure with and accepted regardless of my season. 

However sometimes this creates more instability then it's worth. 

It's takes me a long time to become close to a person, I don't trust easy and I don't open up often. 

Of the few people I am closest too 2 are my sisters and one I must have a soul tie to or something because I seem to trust her with more then some that I have known for years. 

So when I do end up letting someone close and it doesn't work out it can leave me shaken. 

That's whats so great about this verse for me is that it reminds me who to place my full trust in. 

Him! 

Because he never moves, or changes or leaves! And It will never get more stable then that! 

Warning: The post is about my cat.

First of all Sorry if your not a cat person, I feel sorry for you,I really do. 

Second of all this is infact my first and only crazy cat lady post... 

Finally, this post is not in any way deep or spiritual haha! 

But I love my cat so...

I myself was not a cat person as such, not really an animal lover you would say, not at all warm and fuzzy or soft hearted in the least. 

I was actually slightly appathetic and a little antisocial, just happy not to have a strong connection to anyone or anything.. Slowly attempting to become and island of myself, independent and strong. 

Enter Kitten... 

We did not plan on getting him and the decision was made within 10 minutes

of seeing his picture and soley based on the fact the my sister and I had been feeling kinda crap all day. 

What else would cheer us up? 

So we left where we were and picked him up immediately. 

Now me, still not overly smitten with him saw him and thought "yeah he's kinda cute, I guess" 

I got in the car and my sister got in after with the kitten, I looked over and he moewed and Bam! I litirally burst into tears, yes I was actually crying like an idiot over a cat. 

Because I honestly did not expect to actually feel Love for a cat, to actually care about an animal as much as I would a human, it took my heart by surprise. 

We took him to who my friend who hadn't been feeling well that day and to meet her cat, now they are best friends and have lame cat play dates. 

Now I melt over almost everything he does. 

Lord help me when I have a baby of my own because I will litirally not be able to handle how much I Love them and will be a complete mess over everything! 

He is a huge sook, eats way too much, runs around like a maniac and bites everything. But then he comes and falls asleep on me and like a crazy cat lady I cannot help but just swoon over him. 

So long story short I love my cat guys!