Living in the grateful.

I was grateful when she woke me up this morning. 

Grateful when he called out "Mum" from his bedroom. 

Thankful that for now that's still who I am. 

At the moment in thankfulness is where I am. 

Because people have asked how I'm doing, people have asked how I am and how I feel or how I will feel when they are no longer mine. 

All questions I tend to avoid answering. 

Truth is I don't really know about that yet. 

What I know is the now. 

And for now, I'm grateful. 

Grateful that I got her first word, her first clap, first wave. 

Grateful to witness her first crawl...almost- Thanks Rach ;) 

Grateful that I taught him "I Love you" and that now he says it back. 

Grateful that she took her first steps in my kitchen. 

Grateful that they were loved by my entire world. 

Grateful that I took him to his first day of daycare, got him his first scooter and took him to his first zoo and aquarium trip. 

Grateful for all the memories, all the photo's and all the funny stories that are mine to keep. 

That's where i am right now. 

And the tears and sadness will come later.

I will miss them and I will wish they were here. 

I will grieve for his first day of school and her first time riding a bike. 

But even then I will remain thankful for the time I had with them. 

So very grateful that for that season I got to be there Mum. 

Worry or meditate?

I'm a worrier. 

There's no way I can deny it or get around it. 

I just think a lot and I have about 5 different tapes on replay in my head at any given time. 

This also means I am a good meditator. 

The word says to do that, it's good for you. 

In psalm 119 David says he meditate on Gods name. 

Can you imagine that? 

Just thinking about his name over and over again? 

In Philippians 4:8- it says to think and meditate on things that are good and noble. 

And there are so many more. 

Imagine how good our soul will feel if we did that? 

So I've been doing something lately. 

Whilst worrying about really anything God will always drop a word into the mix. 

I am working on going to the word before I talk it out or let it take over my thinking too much. 

So it will be the simplest word, might be a story from his word, something someone said (which I hated hearing at the time) or my Favorite is just a single word. 

Then because I am such an awesome worrier/meditator I think about it over and over and over again. 

Like the story of the prodigal son which I am still attempting to write about. 

So really we have a clear choice, We can worry and think about things over and over... Or we can work on filling our brains with so much of his Word that it's on a constant loop our head. 

So far it's working pretty well for me  :) 

Have a good day!