Like clay.

But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel. (Jeremiah 18:4-6 NIV)

I read in a book this week that while the potter is making something he never once takes his hands off the clay.

I watched a few YouTube video's and found myself fixated on how they mould a pot or vase or something equally as beautiful out of what was once I hard lump of clay. 

Not once did I see them have to force or push it into position. 

There are no sudden movement or else the clay would be marred and the potter would have to begin again. 

The whole thing looks so gentle and graceful. 

Within the same week I realized something about myself that I was not very happy to discover. 

I am a bit of a control freak.

I was not always the kind of person who needed to have things a certain way, in fact I was a lot more layed back. 

I did not always respond to things in the way I am finding that I do now. 

I saw myself ever so slowly becoming more particular about things that in the big picture don't even matter. 

I would find myself stressing if something did not go the way I had expected it to go in my head and flipping out over things that do not actually effect my life as drastically as I feel they do. 

Anything that was uncertain or unclear would send my stress levels through the roof. 

I constantly felt unsettled and anxious. 

And I could not shake it. 

I could see I was being irrational but it didn't ease my anxiety. 

I could not seem to change the way I was feeling. 

So I started reading up on it and that's when I discovered that piece of information.  

It just make this verse make a whole lot more sense to me. 

That regardless of what my life looks like now and how out of shape everything looks from my perspective, Gods hand is literally on it every single step of the way and like the potter he can see what the end result is supposed to look like. 

Often this looks nothing like what I think it should. 

Still he knows what he is doing. 

If I am to be like clay in his hands, I am to be moldable and flexible. 

Not so he can force or push me into place, but so he can gently mould me into what he needs me to be. 

The faithful one.

It's so hard for me to trust in a completely faithful God when all I know is people who, regardless of how much they try can never be completely faithful. 

Lately everything I am reading and all my conversations about him are taking me back to one thing. 

He is the faithful one. 

Of course I know in my head this is true but often my circumstance looks as if it could be otherwise. 

Sometimes things don't work they way I assumed they would. 

Often things go completely wrong. 

It looks in my natural eyes like this is completely not where I am supposed to be right now. 

What I know that God has clearly said will happen is not at all happening. 

I have hard seasons and I find myself far away from him and thinking I could not possibly outwork my calling while being this person. 

In the midst of that season I find myself in church at a young adults event. 

It's after the message and my pastor begins to point people out and encourage them, give words of wisdom and speak into their lives. 

I Love it when he does this, I could listen for hours and watch as God one by one is confirming things in people through what he speaks over their lives. 

I automatically disqualify myself as one of those people, things like that don't happen to me. 

Then he says my name, I automatically want to be invisible, but then he says something I have not been able to stop thinking about. 

"One thing God cannot do is lie, and he cannot, not be faithful to those who are faithful." 

He went on to encourage me about being consistent and continueing to be faithful towards God. 

I had never planned on physically going anywhere apart from the house or not  being consistent in what I was currently doing, however something very slight had began to change in my heart. 

I was doubting things God had been saying because it looked like it wasn't going to happen. 

I was questioning his faithfulness because what I could see was not what I expected his faithfulness to look like. 

I was wavering in my trust in him. 

But he is still faithful. 

It's impossible for him not to be faithful. 

He cannot break a promise or not do what he has said.

He is not a man that he should lie, and he does not change his mind. 

What he had said did not change once. 

He didn't change his mind or give up. 

It's more just a matter of me learning that regrarldless of what things look like now. 

If he said it, he will do it.