A dream come true :)

It's been a day! One day! How could one person learn so much in one single day? 

Ok by this point it's been four! Cos I forgot to post this ;) 

In a single 24 hour time slot my life completely and utterly changed. 

So it turns out that you can in fact learn a lot in one day. 

Everything people said about having children is true, and I used to think they were just exaggerating. 

"Sitting in the car while my child sleeps" I thought-  As if you would do that, just get them out they will be fine. 

I now think- DO NOT MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS! I am literally doing that right now. He'd be ok to move but it's raining and I am sitting still so.. 

"No time to eat today" 

How can anyone forget that!? 

You can... More then once... More then one day in a row. 

"I can not ever just sit down" "I'm on the move all day" I thought "doesn't your child sleep or surely you can sit while they play" 

Hahahaha! Nope! Does not work like that.. They move... Like all the time... I kinda love it... But I'm tired...

"My house always looks messy" 

I thought- you should teach them to clean up after themselves or just tidy as you go.. 

Good luck and sure if you want to be cleaning all day long. 

So I judged a little before I knew and it's not like I have no experience in this area, I have been a nanny for 8 years. But at the end of the day I get to go home and be still and do what I want.. 

This is nothing like that, it's nothing like I thought it would be- it's better and harder and surreal and I cannot believe God is actually letting me do this!! 

So I learnt a lot and I'm learning a lot..like how not be in control, how not to plan every single small detail of my life. 

How to ask for help and receive help and that people have my back in this way more then I expected. I have been texting the same 2 or 3 people almost constantly asking people who are further down the journey a million questions and they have been the hugest blessing to me in this season. 

I am learning that it's ok to have no idea what's going on or what will happen next. 

It's ok if nothing looks how I think it should. 

It's ok if everything keeps changing all the time, and then changing back. 

It's ok if my house is a bomb like all the time! (And repeat until I feel ok with it) 

If I realize at 10pm that all I have eaten today is some chocolate custard and blueberries. 

It's like the same lesson God has been trying to teach me the past few months I all of a sudden have no choice but to know right now. 

Can even though I cannot plan everything or know everything or control everything. 

He completely and utterly can. 

And I have no choice but to just let Him!