What it means to be blessed.

I have been reading the Beatitudes a lot lately. Trying to wrap my head around what they actually mean for me life. 

What it means to be blessed. 

We have been singing them in a song for a while, it never crossed my mind what we were actually declaring. 

Until I needed to sing the words when I did not feel so blessed. 

When instead I was feeling at the end of my rope, like my inside world was not put right at all, like I was starved of a God that was right in front of me. 

In no way did I feel like being careful, or showing mercy or being meek. 

How could I be blessed at the same time? 

I don't know about you but I do not feel blessed when a lot of these happen in my life. 

I have been in almost every single one and when I look back although I did not feel like it at the time I was blessed. 

I have felt at the end of my rope, like I honestly could not go on, like I was done and I've even given up. 

And at that moment is when God has come through when I could not. 

It's like when I have nothing left only then he gets complete control. 

I have lost what is most dear to me, 

It did not feel like a blessing. 

It felt like a giant empty hole that left me unable to breathe. 

After I tried everything else to find comfort then finally ran to Him, probably more broken then I needed to be. 

Only then was I embraced and only then did I realize who really was most dear to me. 

I have cared for others and been cared for even when sometimes caring is hard. 

Note: it does not say you will be cared for by the person you show care to.  

I have shown mercy even when sometimes it's thrown back in your face and then in turn been shown mercy. 

How many times did I throw that back in His face? 

I have hungered and thirsted for God like I would die without Him. 

But how many other wells did I try to drink from before I went to Him? 

I have had my inside world put so incredibly wrong that I thought it would never be right way up again. 

I tried to straighten it out and mend it before I placed it before him. 

I realized it said "put right" 

How thankful I am to be made righteous by him. 

I have been hated and rejected because of my faith. 

It felt so far from a blessing until I realized who they were really rejecting. 

How much darkness must there be for the light to hurt someone that badly? 

It makes so much sense now. 

My feelings are liars. 

They lie to me everyday, telling me this life is not what I need. 

When it is everything I need. 

And in every single one of these season and circumstances I ended up so much further in him then I was when I began. 

Makes me wonder if that's was the point the whole time.