Thank God that we are not payed what we deserve.
I used to think that in some way I had to deserve Grace.
I needed to be perfectly in his will and following him to have it.
I used to see it as some were more deserving of Grace and some were less deserving of it.
I always somehow ended up in the less deserving category.
I look at others lives and how much grace they have and it's perfectly ok to me.
Then I look at my own life and feel like God should really just overlook me and give it to someone who "deserves" it.
But the thing is nobody ever deserves it.
If we could earn it or gain it or control it in anyways it would be based on us and not him.
Then it wouldn't be Grace would it?
I am learning more and more how not only does it have little to do with me, but that it has nothing at all to do with me.
Not one single good thing can give me more and not one single stuff up can give me less.
It's a little bit scary to me how I have so much I do not even slightly deserve and I constantly ask myself why.
Because he Loves me never seems to be a good enough reason in my mind.
But yet that is the single only reason I have any Grace at all.
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