Rest

Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest - Jesus. (Matthew 11:38) 

I am not good at resting. 

I can sit still but I cannot be still. 

I can do nothing but I can never really completely stop. 

My brain constantly goes a million ways at a time, with no intention of ever stopping. 

It's exhausting and energizing all in the same moment. 

Lately I have needed to rest, I mean really needed to rest. 

I've been getting sick, forcing me to take way too many days off work and just not being able to do anything well. 

But as soon as I have to let my body and mind rest, I cannot. 

I think of a million things I could be doing. 

I stress about things I need to do or haven't done. 

I realized it's because I feel like it's a waste of time. 

I feel useless. 

If I sit and do nothing then I am essentially achieving nothing. 

I got the afternoon off a few weeks ago and though I was excited i knew I would not be able to rest. 

I made plans to do something but not focus on me, perfect! 

Well it didn't end up happening and instead I played my phone for 3 hours before I gave up waiting and went home. 

The whole entire time I was so frustrated. I could have rested, I was still but not at all resting. 

I was exhausting myself. 

I felt like I had wasted my whole day, I got home and went to bed but still felt I was meant to be doing something else. 

Thing is though even Jesus rested. 

Even he got away from it all, even he slept and he tells us to do the same. 

His intention is always for us to draw from him and then pour that out upon our lives. 

He intends for us to give out of the overflow, but if we are not getting from him what are we outputting? 

Essentially it means we are doing it in our own strength and that's why it's so unbelievingly exhausting. 

So I'm working on it. I'm making time to draw from him daily and I'm noticing an ease about my days. 

I'm daily reminding myself to slow down in hopes that one day I can completely be still.