My life is well and whole.

"As long as you are still speaking, the devil is loosing"- Joseph Prince 

I tend to panic. 

I don't talk about it often and I don't think I have really written about it properly, but I think I understand it enough to attempt to do so now. 

So I panic right? Before I think about the problem logically.

Before I think about a possible solution.

Before I think about that fact that it will actually be ok, because I know it will. 

When life is chaotic and I'm getting stressed and nothing is going right. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt that it's going to be fine, that God will come through. 

Even still I can't seen to stop myself from first freaking out and going into meltdown mode before I, or a friend, or God snaps me out of it. 

Sometimes I freak out a little, sometimes I freak out ALOT. 

This is a story of when I freaked out a lot. 

So I had one of those weeks where everything started going wrong. 

Just the usual adult life stuff, a few huge bills that I needed to pay, a parking offence that I did not commit, Christmas shopping that I am still yet to start, I writting piece that I needed to pass my foster care assessment that was particularly difficult to edit and then my car broke. So I was slightly stressed but these were all fixable problems and I knew that so I was a little overwhelmed but I was dealing with it so I was only having little freak outs here and there and then moving on from them. 

Then one day I went home after work earlier because when I get stressed I get nauseas. 

I opened a letter that was basically about more money that I did not have and so I called to see what it was about and the second the lady on the phone asked a question I lost it. 

I mean lost it completely and I think I shocked her.

I had a panic attack, on the phone to her!! 

She very quickly and awkwardly gave me another number to call and sort it out. 

So after I hung up I did all the things that everyone tells you to do when this happens, I do them all for about two hours until I am calm again. 

Few days later I am telling someone about this, laughing about it cos it's over and it's not a big deal anymore. 

Next day I get a text "psalm 55 read all of it" 

So I do in every available version and I see this line 

"My life is well and whole, secure in the middle of danger"- verse 17ish MSG 

It makes complete sense to me. 

What happens in a panic attack is something happens and your mind sends all these messages to your body that your in danger and so your body pysically responds as if it's in danger. 

But your not. 

So this verse is just a reminder, that in the middle of chaos my life is well and whole. 

And that in the middle of "danger" real or otherwise I am secure. 

Thing is God comes through and since has come through in do many ways for me and I know that. 

That's what I need to be looking at. 

That's where my focus needs to be. 

And that's what my attention must be on.