Trusting

Do you ever say yes to something for no other reason then because you felt like God was leading you to? 

I gotta be honest, I rarely ever do that. Something in me needs to be sure that it's where God is leading me, it's not necessary disobedience my yes just takes a little longer. 

I like to think things through, I like to talk with God about it over and over again. His answer never changes but I always feel like I need reassurance and He is so gracious and patient in giving to me over and over again. 

Well this one time I just said yes! 

I got an email, I had NO DETAILS and so before I could doubt I went with God and I just said yes. 

It's not 100% certain but I think that yes will change my life. 

I'm praying it will change someone else's life too. 

Excuse me for being vague but I can't say a lot until the deal is done. 

But I can say this. I said yes to a baby girl. I said yes before I knew anything about her, not her age, not her gender, not her situation. Something I thought I'd never do! 

I have said yes before but something feels different with her this time. I've not met her yet but I love her like she is my own, something that came later with all my previous placements. 

Another different thing is that I've had to wait for her. 

I hate waiting! 

If I knew I'd be waiting this long I would have said no before I got attached. Something tells me God knew that from the beginning, I'm kind of thankful he didn't tell me. 

This is also the hardest I've had to fight to get her with me, I've been more tenacious then I have ever been. I feel fiercely protective already and the harder it gets the more sure I am. 

She's teaching me to trust God in a way I've never needed to before. 

In a way that meant trusting him regardless of how this turns out. 

A couple of days ago I needed that and  I had to dig me heels in. 

I'd been emailing all day, back and forth because something just was not ok with what I had read and been told and what was happening, things weren't moving at all. Something that had been set in stone had not actually been confirmed at all. I was so mad and so scared because this actually means she might not even come at all. So I just got off the phone after being told, and I was faced with more waiting and I really was not sure I could. So many times I wanted to just say no and give up. 

I felt God say as he had before "do you trust that I've got this?" 

I did but I also felt more then ever that I just wanted to give up, but I just couldn't. I just starting cleaning cos ya know that helps when your stressed. I walked up to my room to put something away and I just looked into her already set up room. The room she should already be in. 

So that's what I declared. 

I stood at her door and just cried. 

I asked God to bring her to me. 

I Thank him through my tears and asked him to help me trust him. 

I thanked him that she is safe and that someone was loving her. 

I thanked Him him for holding her in his hands when I couldn't. 

I said to him "I will remember this moment. I will remember that I choose to trust to even when it's so hard and even when it hurts" 

Trust is so hard because it's a choice and not a feeling. 

It cannot be based around getting what we want when we want it. 

It's refined in the waiting. 

It's tested over and over again. 

It's also what brings us back to God over and over again. 

I know that is this waiting season I have been holding to that trust like never before. 

So watch this space and see what happens! 

#Sheiscoming #BLove #Bestcallingever