You're not enough and that's ok.

I have never been in such a season when I felt so intensely dependent on God. 

Where I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is how much I need Him in every single moment of my today. 

Generally I don't like to feel out of my depth. To be honest I have always played it safe, only taking on things I know I can handle and if it turns out I actually can't not showing that as a weakness or asking for help. If I say I'll do something I like to do it, regardless if the cost to me. 

It's probably a bit of a pride thing, I like to be good at what I am doing and I like to keep my word. 

This season is nothing like that. 

I said yes to too much knowing that I could not do it on my own. 

I said yes because God told me to and I trust him. 

It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I stepped into it with no idea what it would look like and once I did that I realized I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. 

*queue panic* 

I have never been a Mum before. 

I do not know how to raise Two children. 

I cannot do this and everything else I already do.  

I can't Love them enough. 

I can't spread myself this thin. 

I cannot be enough for them. 

Never have I needed to cling to God for every single tiny little thing.

And when I did this he said this 

"you're not enough and that's ok" 

I was floored. 

Because I want to be enough, I want to do it all and do it all the best I can and I can't. 

I felt fractured into a million pieces because I wanted to be able to spread myself so thin before I realized there is not enough of me to do this. 

Before I realized everything in my life at this point needs more then I can give. 

 John 15:5 says  “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 

 

It's slightly abrupt but it's so true.  

I cannot do this on my own. 

The moment I step even slightly away from him, I am bound to stray. 

The second I let go of his hand I have no idea where I am going. 

If my eyes are not constantly on Him, I am blinded but the hugeness of this season. 

So I do not want to abide anywhere else. I do not want to do this life any other way.

I am not enough. 

That's becoming completely ok because He is and He always will be.