Why having time to myself is the best and worst things for me in this season.

I Love and also Hate having days off. 

I'm always complaining that I need a day off to do nothing! So I can stay in bed all day and not leave the house at all, because it sounds appealing, it really does. 

I have friends that do it often and they talk about how they had the best day doing nothing and I want that day, I want to do nothing.

 The thing is though I can never ever  do just "nothing"

I used to be able to, but now I can't sit still. It sucks a little and so I'm trying to fix it. 

People said things like "you'll be bored after a few hours" and I so wanted to prove them wrong. 

So I had a quiet week, where I worked less and had some time to myself.

Just a few afternoons which makes me think God is trying to ease my into this slowly. 

It was the best and also the worst thing ever, and I only just realized it was because of my own terrible attitude.

I used to be so good and being alone and just entertaining myself, I need time to myself to enjoy spending time with people. 

But for a very long time I forgot to have it. 

I went from work, to one social event, to another and then back to work again. 

I did this day after day week after week for months. 

I was exhausted! 

I was the kind if exhausted that left me unable to stop.

So I just kept being busy until I could not and NEEDED to stop, then I would get busy all over again. 

So when I had time off, I hated it! 

I wanted to Love it, but I instead accidentally slipped into a hole where I felt crap and acted crap simply because of the fact that I had so much that I needed to but I just didn't have anything left in me to do it well. 

So I just didn't do anything. 

At the end of it I still felt physically rested but I wasted a lot of my mental energy on stuff that was not at all worth it. 

So I'm learning there needs to be a balance, a little time to stop but not too much and to stop for the right reasons.