The simple.

His servants approached and said to him, “O master, if the prophet had told you to do some difficult task, you would have been willing to do it. It seems you should be happy that he simply said, “Wash and you will be healed.” (2 Kings 5:13 NET)

Don't we do this all the time? 

Neglect to listen to the simple because it seems just that, simple. 

We assume that because God is so big and powerful and extravagant that he is also complicated and difficult when he is actually not. 

It says this man was a commander, that he was esteemed and respected by his master because he had led them to great victory. 

So he was kinda important, he had a lot going for him and so I guess he had a pretty great life. 

Except for this one thing, he had a skin disease. 

When he eventually meets with the prophet to be healed and he asks him to do something simple in order to be healed, he's mad. 

He's mad because it seems to simple. 

He's mad cos it's not extravagant enough. 

He's probably annoyed that it requires effort and to be honest looks a little dumb. 

I mean God could just heal him like that. 

Isn't that a picture of what we sometimes do? 

Overlook the simple things God is asking of us in favor of the complicated stuff. 

We complicate everything because if God is big then everything else should be. 

But isn't God in the small also? 

Does he not take care of the sparrow as well as the lion? 

Does He not care for the wild flowers the same He does with us? 

Some of my biggest wins have come from obeying God in the simple small tasks.

Some of my greatest friendships came from listening to his voice when he tells me to go out of my way, asking me to do the small things that might not even seem like they make a difference. 

In the same way some of my greatest mistakes happened because I ignored the whisper and got caught up in the loud. 

I am the most guilty of complicating his voice, of making what he says an essay when it was just a sentence or even just a word. 

My mind can take the simple and scribble it into a complicated mess, when if I really think about it, it's not. 

God word is clear and when you think about it he is actually so beautifully simple. 

The raw truth of the matter.

We had Annie Garrett recently come and speak at a team night, she was real and honest and spoke out of a struggle she had faced. 

I feel like it's season where people are just being raw and vulnerable, something that usually I avoid. 

It's been the best thing for me because it's allowing me to let God do some stuff he could not do otherwise. 

Pretty much everything she said was spot on and completely in season for what I was going through. 

She spoke about not giving up, she spoke about being aware of what was happening and about using your weapons. It was all so relevant and I literally hung on every word.  

One line in particular stuck out to me. 

"Just refuse to move from the place that God has put you" 

One of those moments where you hear what you need to hear in the exact right moment. 

After feeling like an intense attack of the enemy was happening in my world on every side. 

I had not long become a foster Mum to two beautiful children, I was expecting one baby and had planned for one baby but God apparently doesn't work that way. 

So I was blessed to be caring for two, not an easy task and to be honest I had never felt more out of my depth. 

I just stepped into my calling and all of a sudden felt like I could not do it, thing is everything thought I could. 

A couple of weeks in I started getting sick and then I kept getting sick. I was so stressed and run down that I could not properly recover. 

I finally went to the doctor to be told the stress was causing my body to become run down and get sick easily. 

She also said that I had an option to just give them back in order to recover properly, basically to give up. 

I knew that was not what God wanted me to do so I kept going. 

Thing is I got sicker, the kind of sick that scares you because you start to thing think it might be serious, the kind of sick they tell you won't go away. 

I did not have time to be that kind of sick. 

I reacted badly to the medication she gave me and the tests just led to more tests. 

I do not have time for tests. 

I so wanted to do this well but I didn't want to do it like this. 

I got more and more afraid because this is all I wanted, all I have ever loved doing and all I prayed about for so long and now I hated it. 

Not because of the fact that I didn't actually like it or enjoy it anymore, but because it was so hard, like exhaustingly hard, harder then I know it should be. 

Because deep down I did not think I was good enough, I had the strongest feelings of doubt and of not being good enough. 

How could I not do what God had called me to do? 

How could I hate this? 

Maybe I heard him wrong. 

Maybe I am not right for this. 

So much so that I did not go to the Mother's Day service because I didn't feel like I deserved being celebrated as a Mother. 

I wasn't even a "real" one. 

I could not bear to be told how inspirational I was, or how I was changing these kids lives or what an awesome job I was doing when I felt so far from those things. 

Basically just feeling like I was living a lie just to keep everyone else happy. 

Because when everyone thinks you are something you just be that rather then disappointing anyone. 

The minute Annie started speaking this message I knew few things. 

1. That this would end- nothing lasts forever even when you feel like it will. 

It's a season that I can and will last out and it's for a reason. 

It's not forever. 

In the middle of it it's so easy to be like "I'm not going to do what you've asked me to do if it's going to be like this God" or is it just me that has felt like that? 

2. Staying is always worth it- 

Sometimes it's the hardest thing. 

But regardless of how hard it got, everything pulled me back to that one conviction. 

I will always end up back at his feet.

It is never going to work another way and I don't want it to. 

3. If he is attacking, you must be doing something right- 

It's just funny, not in an actually funny way more in a frustrating way that the second I got exactly what I wanted everything started to go wrong. 

Annie also said another thing that stuck out 

"Whenever there is a fight, there is a victory on the other side" 

It became just that, I constant fight to stay on course. 

A fight to arrest my thoughts before they consumed me. 

A fight to do what I know I needed to do even when it wasn't what I wanted to do. 

Of course it did because I am exactly where I need to be and there was no way it was ever going to always be easy, but it was always going to be more then worth it. 

Fight like hell.

"All things are difficult before they are easy" - Thomas Fuller 

Read this today and while it didn't make it ok that this is so much harder then it probably should be, it made more sense. 

You know for sure that your living in the breakthrough when you have to fight like hell to stay there. 

I knew for the longest time what I was called to do, I prayed and believed for it for years and years. Then I had to work for it, I worked harder then I have ever worked for anything else. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. 

I had no idea how many curve balls would come from every side while I tried to focus my everything on these two precious lives that have been placed in mine. 

Had no idea how hard it was to recover from illness when you had no time to actually rest. 

Had no idea how many buttons and sore spots a two year old could push, or how many bruises they could give you for that matter, Yes I mean actually bruises. 

I had no idea how badly my body would react to stress. 

How many people would tell me I could give up, and I could. 

But I will not. 

I've had this conviction for a while now, it's the hardest one to keep yet. 

It's the conviction to stay. 

Sounds easy but it's been the hardest thing for me in this season. 

To not give up, to not throw everything away because everything is so incredibly hard. 

It's the first thing the enemy would want us to do. 

To admit you can't and give in. 

Sometimes it's the first thing that whispers in my ear before I really listen and hear His voice. 

I Hate that. 

But I will not listen to it. 

Tell me to run, tell me it's not worth it, tell me I can not and I should not but I'll still be fighting for the same thing. 

Because it's worth it, because they are worth it and because He is worth it. 

I faught to get here and I will fight like hell to stay. 

At his feet again.

 I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” (John 16:32-33 MSG)

You very quickly realize that everything is movable, everything around us is changing constantly, nothing actually lasts even though we bank on them lasting. 

It's so easy to be shaken, to feel like we will just trip and fall. 

When that happens we are going to reach out and grab the first thing that we can reach. 

We will not have time to think about what the best thing to grab is, we will not first consider what is strongest, what will last the longest or what will not hurt us if we hold onto it. 

If you were to trip in the street, you would instinctively reach for whatever is there, if that was a bin you get dirty. 

If it was a thorn bush you would get pricked. 

If that was a person, they might catch you but you might take them down with you. 

It seems to me that it's the same concept with our life. 

If you feel unstable, unsure, shaken or confused, your going to reach out to whatever is closest to you before you fall flat on your face. 

If what you grab onto is also unstable, you will still fall on your face. 

You can grab onto your own understanding and lean on what you think you know, it will only hold you for so long and the bible tells us not to lean on that. 

You can cling to your old ways, what used to work before, sometimes this is a default when we don't know what else to do, like when the disciples went back to fishing when Jesus left because that's what they knew before him. 

You can lean on others, might work if there faith is stronger then your own but it's not lasting. 

Thing is you will grab whatever is closest to you. 

Whatever you sow yourself into, whatever you depend on now is what you will grab when your at your end. 

Let's just make sure that's Jesus. 

I love singing the words "find me here at your feet again" 

It's been my declaration through this insanely unstable season. 

When I realized my calling is smack bang in the middle of everything changing all at once, almost never knowing what's going on and not having a whole lot of control of the outcome, everything that sends me into a downward spiral usually is now my life. 

When I have felt like everything around me is pulling me all at once. 

When I have felt at the end of my rope. 

When I'm actually just tired. 

I know regardless of all that where I will be found time and time again. 

I know regardless who is the unshakable one that I can grab at any moment. 

Who is holding me up. 

Who is closest to me and who is not going anywhere or changing and who knows exactly what's going on. 

That's that's where I will be, at his feet again. 

You'll find him in surrender.

You'll find him in surrender. 

I've had these words in my spirit for a month now. 

Almost constantly whispering and reminding me. 

No idea what they meant. 

I mean, I obviously know what they basically mean for my life and for yours. 

Of course that's where we find him. 

When we cast of own self aside that's where he comes the strongest. 

One of my favorite things to hear is someone tell me that they have to do something that they feel like they cannot do. 

My friend is a worship leader and when she tells me she has to lead a song that she feels is beyond her skill set I am a little pumped to be honest, because time after time when these are the times that God completely takes over. 

I am so sure that one of God's favorite things to hear is "I cannot to this without you" 

I kid you not it has been my prayer every single morning for the last few months. 

I don't just mean that I have spoken or written to word. 

I mean I have so desperately felt them as I spoke them, I have no idea how I would do this apart from him. 

My own ways and my own understanding does not work, believe me I have tried it. 

I like to have things and do things I certain way. 

I like certainty and I like things to be predictable. 

If we have planned something and you change it at the last minute or bail on it, that has potential to really shake me. 

I have to really really think about how it's actually not a big deal at all in order to move past it quickly. 

I am the same with God, If I have a "plan" in my head that I think will work and he wants me to lay that aside and trust him. 

I struggle with that. 

I struggle to surrender. 

Thing is every single time I have, that's where I have found him. 

He is not in my plans or in my will. 

I am in His. 

The word actually means to relinquish possession or control over.

When I place everything in his hands, every thought, every feeling and every actions that's where he is found. 

So it makes so much sense now. 

You'll find him in surrender. 

Without fail, every single time. 

Fearless.

I ordered a giving key today. 

It's something I'd been thinking about doing since I heard about them. 

Basically they give hope to homeless people by employing them and the keys have words on them. 

They are messages and you wear it until you find someone who needs the message more then you, then you give it to them or you get one for someone. 

I know who mine will go to, I knew it before I chose the word. I had this person on my heart for while now soo was looking for a word that applies to them, I just had no idea that the word would apply to me first. 

I looked through all the words and then looked through them again. 

I kid you not I had to catch my breath when I read the word "fearless" because if there is anything I want to be in this season it's this. 

fearless - invulnerable to fear or intimidation

If I am completely honest I often feel anything but that. 

Anxiety is terrifying, it consumes every thought and every feeling. 

Your just terrified about nothing. 

Terrified when it comes that it won't go away ever. 

Terrified of what people will think or say about it. 

Having to keep doing stuff to get it out. 

I mean sometimes it's helpful when I have cleaned my entire house or only need like 3 hours sleep. 

Mostly it's just there until it exhausts you. 

It doesn't have logic or reason behind it. 

It lies and even though you know it lies sometimes it's still there. 

I cannot remember a time in my adult life where I have not had to deal with anxiety on some level. 

I've spoken to a doctor who explains it as something to do with too much adrenaline and my body sending mixed fear signals when they are not needed, either way it sucks. 

My sister said something the other day about "Your anxiety" and I had to stop her, because it's not mine, I don't want it and so I will not call it mine. 

She laughed.. Which is ok.. I think she doesn't get it. 

I'm not even sure if that's the right attitude to have but at the moment it's mine. 

Cos I'm done with this. 

I'm choosing fearless instead. 

The bible talks about it constantly. 

Jesus says "do not fear" and I have read that more times then I can count, I have read it over and over again. 

I'm choosing fearless above the tightness in my chest that sometimes makes it hard to catch my breath. 

I'm choosing fearless above thinking I'm not doing this right or that someone could do it better. 

I'm choosing fearless above worry. 

I'm choosing fearless above my million miles and hour brain that never stops.

The one who will wear it around their neck is already fearless. 

I'm not even sure they know it yet. 

I guess in a few weeks we will know.

Living in the definite.

definite - known for certain

I love how definite the bible is. 

It never says God felt like saving us on that day or he might heal you. 

It's never based on feelings or circumstances or the weather. 

It is sure. 

It is certain. 

It is definite. 

I've been reading Psalm 91 lately often just reading a single word over and over again. It's filled with statements like: I will, He will,and He is, there is not a lot of room for argument there. 

In our day to day life not a lot is certain. 

Everything changes. 

At any second our life could completely be flipped on it's head. 

Our relationships change. 

Our job changes. 

Our health changes. 

Our moods. 

And without even thinking we are reliant on those things.

So when they do change we go to God and find He is still the same all along. 

Everything is subject to change. 

Except God. 

So when everything is changing and moving around me I want be reliant of the one who doesn't. 

Verses like: 

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” 

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. (Psalm 91:1-5, 9, 11, 14-15 NIV)

I don't want to live in the uncertainty of life. 

I want to base my life on verses like this. 

I want to Live in the definite. 

In the unchanging promises of God.